Anxiety-much?

Unfortunately with all things considered lately, anxiety has become my MO. I feel as though everything these past few weeks, even my skin is full of nerves and more recently even my excitement is full of anxiety.

First and foremost, is my fast approaching grocery trip. It’s this Thursday and I have $130 to get about 3 weeks worth of food for all meals, including snacks for our upcoming road trip (see below) and 30 days of dinners. Let it be known that I am not an extreme-couponer, nor do I have the desire to be; but clearly I like getting the best deal. I have contemplated my first price-match shopping trip but I’m saving that for a later date. I just don’t have the energy or wherewithal to take on that challenge anytime soon. For now, I’m going with what I know, e-coupons, print coupons, and a very well thought-out list that has been built around two things. 1. what we need and 2. our preferred grocery store’s weekly flyer. While shopping on a budget is not a new concept, I always go shopping with a budget, but I’ve never watched my bottom line so closely and now with the budget freeze I have no choice. Welcome, Anxiety!

My other form of anxiety comes from what should be, and is, a much-needed upcoming vacation. In a few weeks we will be hitting the road, meeting up with extended family and taking on Disney World. Our family has been beyond kind with selecting and taking care of the logistics and making this a fun-filled and well-planned trip that really only requires us to show up. Not to mention that I am eternally grateful that any vacay, with either side of our families, is sure to be an absolute blast. So, Easter weekend the girls and I will travel to Atlanta to visit my sister then move on to meet-up with my mother-in-law and her family as we drive to the one and only Orlando, Florida (Brent will be meeting us in the middle of the week).  Details and posts about the trip, budgeting, planning, and more specifics, to come at a later date. For now, all you need to know, is that growing up I spent a significant amount of time living in Kissimmee/St. Cloud. My earliest memories, oldest friends, and fondest memories of my Dad, reign from this location.

I played softball three out of four seasons with my Dad coaching for my entire childhood. The first home I remember was in this place and I’ll never forget sitting on the front step the day we moved in and my Dad saying, “Do you like it here?” and I said “yes” and he replied with “well, that’s good because you’re going to be here until college because that’s how long it’s going to take for us to pay it off” If you haven’t guessed yet, my Dad was a very open individual with a one-of-a-kind sense of humor. It took some people a bit to get used to but everyone loved his honesty and enjoyed his jokes. You can guarantee that he was saying what everyone else was thinking. Anyhow, Brent and the girls have never been to where I grew up and it’s been years since I have been back, needless  to say I am a tad excited. However, as the trip grows closer, I’m finding myself getting really anxious, honestly, on the verge of tears, because I know how hard it’s going to be to go back. The culmination of the flood of memories coming back, the laughs we had at Halloween parties, the water fights, pool parties, pitching to him as he sat on a bucket, and the laps I had to run around the driveway for missing the ball lol; all mixed with the reality that he’s gone… I’m so over the moon to be going “home” but I’m also very anxious at how this will affect my healing and emotions. I know in the end I won’t regret the visit but the thought of going without him here to share with what it’s like to be back make me anxious…at best.

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