It’s 8:05 on Sunday morning, the girls are eating cereal and watching Disney jr. I’m snuggling Madz on the couch drinking my coffee and perusing the overnight happenings of the internet. It is then that I stumble across the best piece of marriage + money advice and I am suddenly compelled to thoroughly dissect and expand this single man’s best perspective.
Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
Statistically, the #2 reason for divorce is finances. (and now you are wondering what number 1 is? communication) Anyone in a relationship has, at some point, probably looked at these types of stats if nothing else than to be aware and hopefully work diligently to avoid becoming “just another statistic.” Brent and I are constantly discussing how to work together as parents and partners and some would and have heavily debated my perspective that our love comes first. My argument for that is cut and dry, we came first. Without us there would be no family, nurture one and you are nurturing the other. Clearly, for most intentions of this blog, it goes without saying that finances aren’t exactly gumdrops for us. It’s a work in progress and truth be told, yes we fight about money. The majority of the time we are on the same page but I’m a little more likely to second guess that stop for lunch and I do the grocery shopping because I shop for price and Brent shops from my list. Now with that being said I have my downfalls I’m not good at finances all the time. I’ve been known to selfishly ask for coffee stops and Brent never tells me no, so yes, in the effort of full disclosure there have been times where I’ve taken advantage of his willingness to make me happy. To the point though, do we fight about money? Yes and well, no.
See, when we argue it’s not over spending or contribution, or dollars and cents. It’s because I have high anxiety and we both work really hard and I stress out and show it and my loving husband really truly wants to make me happy. Does he feel the pressure, yes. Is there anything we can do about it in the moment, aside from going out back and picking from the proverbial money-tree…no. We have to be grateful each week we are able to have another direct deposit be successful and then each time work better within those limits. To reference the game of poker, some hands are crappy but the cards will come around again, play smart, be strategic and keep your game face on. When I hear about this divorce statistic though I can’t help but envision two adults, mid- thirties (much older than I lol-jk) screaming at one another, hair pulled out, one shaking a bill, papers everywhere, and then the climax ends and they walk away, and it’s done. Have you had this vision? But it’s not accurate. I’d go the distance in saying it’s probably the opposite. Silent stress, zero communications, bills piling up, and then someone breaks and the damage is done. It’s sad to me.
Perhaps another goal for me in this blog is really for us. As former athletes if B and I can work to remember team work and what that looks like in a structured sport and pull that into our family finances, and maybe even some other areas, maybe this will help us to strengthen our love, communication and financial toolbox. Nothing that this man who provided my inspiration for today was saying is rocket science. It all makes complete sense perhaps its the delivery but I hold tight to the last two sentences, it never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win. I envision myself standing on the pitcher’s mound with my catcher, one of us having a bad day-because everyone’s entitled to it. But in that moment we are there, on that mound for a reason, pull it together figure out how to win and celebrate after. Tomorrow at practice, we’ll talk to see what was going on and what I can do better next time and hopefully we can avoid a strenuous 5th inning. Never short of a metaphor I get it and plan to run with it, but after 5 years of marriage and almost 9 years together fresh perspective and friendly reminders are always welcome.
I take no credit it for the sound advice that prompted this blog. The perspective on love and shared reflection is actually from someone who failed at it and this man’s is wonderful. I’d encourage you to see his of full list of marital advice from a man’s perspective.