Payout and Payoff

Let’s talk frugality, first. I am happy to report another debt successfully paid off this month.  Actually two. One being a minimal payment these past few months, but a payment nonetheless and the other a (to be expected) unexpected repair on the house before we moved in. Thankfully now they are both taken care of and it is a great feeling. Regardless of whether it was a loan or credit card or just a bill it’s a great sense of accomplishment to have “paid something off.”

On the healing front, it’s been interesting lately. Now that the craze of buying, moving and transitioning has calmed there is plenty of room for all of those smooshed down emotions to bubble up.  Losing my biological father in the middle of closing was optimal only because at the time “I didn’t have time to deal with it.” I realize how this sounds but it’s truth. And as long as I am being honest and in the process of full-disclosure. I have been extraordinary at putting the thought of my Daddy dying out of my head. To me he has been busy over the road for the past few months. I can do this because until he got sick I talked with him regularly but there were gaps when either I was traveling or he was where we both were lax in communication. Shitty? Yes. But the harsh reality is that the longer time goes by and that phone call that “should’ve happened” -doesn’t, the reminder of the reality stays stuck in my core. Don’t mistake, it’s not like I forget, you never forget. I hear his words and responses to so many things I do each and every day, and I realize that people lose parents regularly it’s one of the (many) crappy parts about being a grown-up. I have a psych background, I get it. Stages of grief, healing, yadda-yadda. Is it relevant? Perhaps-okay, yes of course it’s relevant, but when does it get better? #rhetorical

At the end of the day I place my heart and trust in my faith and I remember that I am beyond blessed and I don’t forget this. I just wish he was here to share these monumental moments. I do get it though, everything in time. Thanks for listening.

ox

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